Elizabeth Nielson: This is the Prosper Stronger Podcast, a community where LDS women gather to cultivate covenant connections and strive to be devoted disciples of Jesus Christ.
Hi and welcome back to the Prosper Stronger Podcast. Today I am sitting here in my white jacket, which I enjoy wearing in the winter, but somebody asked me, a church, they're like, is that because of the snow outside, and I had not thought about that at all, it did make me think about something. I do love to look out and see the beautiful blanket of fresh snow, just like we received this week. And It's so peaceful and so new. I thoroughly enjoy it, but I dread it at the same time because snow means it's winter and I don't like the cold.
I really don't like being cold. And so it's this love hate thing with snow, even though I know there's a purpose in it. I know we need it. We have to have the snow in order to have water for the rest of the year to be able to sustain life. And so I'm grateful for it. And often I just think about it, I'm like, why is it that I dread it so much?
When I know it's such a great blessing. And I think that's a little bit how life is sometimes. We have trials. We have difficult things. We have opportunities or challenges that we have to face and we dread them. We can anticipate some of them. Other ones happen. Without warning, but we all know that we're going to face them and we do, we feel this dread.
I have my dad who is getting older and I know he's just not going to be here with me and the rest of our family forever. At some point, I will have to go on with life without him here. And I dread that. And yet I know it's part of the cycle. It's part of life. I know that I will learn things in that process.
I know that the Lord will be with me during that time. And I know, thank goodness, that I will be with my father and my mother again. I can be with them forever. It's been an interesting season as I've thought about some of these things and it's made me realize and maybe own up to the fact that although we approach Christmas and the holidays with a lot of excitement and joy and enthusiasm and there's so many marvelous things that For me Sometimes, it's not that way.
I don't always feel joyful about the Christmas season. And it's been a challenge, especially since my mom passed away. And that's been a long time. It's been over 30 years, so I should be over it, right? I should have figured this out. But it's been a challenge for other reasons and every year I look forward to it, I think, oh, this is going to be great.
This is going to be the year when Christmas is perfect. This is going to be the year when our home is filled with all kinds of just happy noises. Everything's going to be joyful. Everything is going to be magical. And I always think that's what it should be. And then I get into it, and we get into December, and I'm not feeling it, and it's hard.
And all these sad feelings come into my heart and into my mind. And I've been thinking about it. Why is that? Is it part of what we learn at Christmas? And so I thought I'd talk a little bit about that today, because I know I'm not the only one. I know as a child, it was. So exciting and beautiful and fun and there was so much anticipation and I thought our Christmases were magical, but as I looked back, I thought, oh, why did I feel that way?
Was there anything specific that we did that made it magical? We had traditions, we had certain things, but there were a few that came to mind, but it wasn't like we as a family did a ton of amazing, marvelous, fantastic things. We just did the simple things. But it was magical as a child and as an adult and as a mom, I find myself always feeling like I'm falling short, like it's not magical enough for my children, like I'm missing the point of Christmas. They're not getting enough of Christ in Christmas.
And inevitably I get to Christmas day. And usually it's the evening of Christmas Day, and I think I failed. I failed Christmas. Sure, they liked the gifts, and we had the traditional foods, and the stockings, and the Christmas tree, and everything else, but I failed, because Christmas is about Christ.
And is that what we really mean it? Was that the focus? And I don't know why this year it has caused me to really dig into my reasons for thinking this and why I torment myself this way. And I've come to the conclusion that there are several things, and I think some of them apply to everybody. And some are probably just me needing to learn.
I know for some that apply to everyone or most people or many people is that Christmas is a time when we want to be with our loved ones. We want to be surrounded by family and it can be a really lonely time for those that don't have family nearby. Those that maybe have not had the opportunity to be married or have lost loved ones or are away from loved ones.
For many reasons, we can feel really lonely. And I learned long ago that this was part of Christmas for me. The part of Christmas was grieving the loss of my mom and of my grandparents, because my mom is who made Christmas so special. My dad too, but it was my mom that did all the baking, bought all the presents that was so joyful as we opened them. My mom was the heart of the home. I did not have her at Christmas. I always grieve.
So Christmas can be a time of grieving when everybody else is gathering with family or they're going to grandma's house to have parties or dinners or activities. I'm not, my children are not, there's just, it's just different not having my mom here.
Even though I have wonderful women in my life and they do everything so beautifully, they care about us, they serve us, they give us wonderful gifts, invite us to dinner. They're marvelous. And I'm so grateful. There's just something about not having my mom here and my heart hurts every Christmas.
Sometimes, Christmas is a time of worry. We worry like me, we're not doing enough, or it's not good enough, or we don't know what gifts to give, or do we even have the means to be able to give gifts? There's so many things that we worry about around Christmas. And I think it's based in this idea of perfection, what we expect Christmas to be, what we expect the holidays to be like, what we expect the feeling to be and the reactions to be and the experiences.
And so I've been checking myself because this year for the first time in many years, we're not having an extended family party for my side of the family. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I'm like, do I step in? Do I do this? My children are asking, what are we doing? And it's a decision time for us.
What will it look like going forward? What traditions are we going to include? How do we adapt to different family situations? And for some, there's a lot of worry around that. For me, there's worry about it. I know how valuable traditions are and how powerful they are in creating a strong and united family culture and deepening our identity, our understanding of our identity and belonging.
There is such a grounding power to traditions. And it's interesting, but when my mom died, even though I tried to carry on the traditions for my family, eventually, we weren't really allowed to do that. As my dad remarried, and we had combined families, traditions changed. And it was actually offensive to our new family when we wanted to carry on some of our traditions.
And I didn't know then, and looking back now, for the last 10 years, wow, I had no idea the power that we lost, the opportunity that we lost, and I wish we'd done more to hold on to some of our traditions. Maybe not all, I believe there's a way we can do it for both families involved and create new ones that are beautiful for the combined family.
But I have watched and studied and learned that traditions are so important. And so I hope you have family traditions and I hope they are traditions that have a purpose. I started thinking about the traditions we had growing up. What made Christmas magical in our home? And like I said, there weren't like big, fancy, amazing things, but there were a few things that stood out to me.
And one of those was, some of the treats that we made that were fun at the easiest one and one I really still enjoy to this day was when we would take cornflakes and then make them like rice crispy treats using the marshmallows and the butter and everything and green food coloring. And we would make these corn flake wreaths with those little red hot candies and I thought they were just the most fantastic. I loved those.
So that was a fun tradition that we had. What was the purpose there? I don't know, honestly, if my mom had a purpose behind that, other than I believe that she believed that doing things together bonded the family and doing things that were fun and that we enjoyed and that we could participate in together and partake of together bonded us. And we often would create plates, and take them around to the neighbors and everything like that. So I do think there was a purpose in creating those little holly wreath, corn flake treats. I loved them still do.
So that was one, but even better was what we did when we took them to the neighbors. As I thought about our traditions growing up, music was one of the biggest pieces of it. Yes, we had big family parties with my extended family members, cousins and everything. I loved getting together with them, but always there was music in the extended family in our own home. And as we would deliver these goodies around to the neighbors, we would carol together.
And even though there were times when I thought, This is just silly. We're standing here singing and they're looking at us and they don't know what to do. These are our neighbors. We love them and they're just oh, what do I do? Do I clap? Do I smile? As these, this family carols to us.
And I didn't realize until I was a little older how. Unique that experience and opportunity was, and how blessed I was to have parents who appreciated and valued music and who were musical. My dad is a beautiful tenor voice. My mom would sing second soprano or alto frequently, and she played the piano marvelously.
And so we would gather around the piano and we had four part, SATB pieces of music so she would play it and then she would sing alto and I would typically sing soprano even though probably when I was really young, I could hit most of those notes. Now I'm not so sure. And then my dad and my three brothers would take the men's parts and we would sing just around the piano.
We would just sing these songs of the holidays, of Christmas and of Christ. And we would learn them, and we would also do the primary songs and some of the hymns, and then we would go out and we would carol. And it was magical to walk through the snow, all bundled up, taking to our neighbors our simple offering and the gift of song.
And I didn't realize until my mom wasn't healthy enough, strong enough to be able to continue that tradition as I got into my later teens. And then after we passed away and we had our neighbors say to us, what we really miss is you guys coming and caroling to us. I always thought they thought we were just a little weird, but they actually missed it.
And so did I, that was a treasured tradition for me and my family. And it carried over into Christmas Eve. And I think like many of you and so many, hopefully throughout the world on Christmas Eve is the retelling and the reading of the Christmas story, the birth of Jesus Christ, the nativity from Luke two.
And we did that. We would read it, but it was also coupled with a song. And then my parents had us prepare and do a talent show with it as well. And I loved it. It was such a delightful, wonderful Christmas Eve tradition that we had, and it really set the tone for Christmas morning. Everything just seemed to be sacred and peaceful and filled with joy, and it didn't matter what we got for Christmas. It was that we were together and we had been united in worshiping and being grateful and expressing gratitude for our Savior.
And so this year, not only have I been missing my mom, but I've struggled, especially the last five days, if the adversary has been putting darkness into my life, and I'm like, why is this? Why am I feeling this darkness? Why this sorrow? Why am I having such a hard time? Even though I'm used to feeling the grief, and I give myself time to grieve. And I have a way of doing that, which has become a tradition for me. There seems to have been an increased amount of grief and sadness, and I just have struggled to find the joy.
Of course, some of it comes from my own problems of expecting perfection, and I am learning to let go of that. And every year I learn to let go of it even more. But I also struggle with worrying, how am I going to bring Christ into Christmas? I need to do more. I need to do more. I need to do more. And I put my, this pressure on myself.
And I know I'm not the only one. Some of you out there probably do the exact same thing. And others of you have probably have magnificent traditions that are so powerful. And the truth is, if you are one of those people, yay for you. That is awesome. And that is worth celebrating. And I hope you always can continue to do that. It's such a gift. It's amazing to have those beautiful, amazing traditions.
But in our home, it's been a challenge. Unfortunately, my husband and I come from very different family cultures. And while in our family we had traditions and there were more than the few I've mentioned here, in his family, there weren't as many. And they were different and he was raised in a way that, and in a situation where traditions weren't really valued or even recognized. And I asked him about it and he's, oh we always do this. We always did this. And there's a few things, but it wasn't like there was a realization that they were important, if that makes sense.
So even now with that side of the family, there's it's very little connection through traditions. And it makes me sad. And my children are sad. They don't know a lot of their cousins and their family members on that side of the family. And I'm not saying this to say, oh, this is really bad. It, they had different circumstances growing up and it was just how it is.
But what's been interesting is how it has affected our family, my husband, myself, and our children. And as we have tried to create traditions, it has been a challenge not only because our extended family situation just constantly shifts and so many holiday traditions are around or include extended family that does make it a challenge, but it has been challenging for me to try to be consistent with traditions when I haven't felt like they've been valued.
And so I'm constantly trying to make them better or constantly trying to improve them or to somehow get the tradition that everybody thinks is just so marvelous and so amazing that they couldn't live without it. And if I could just make it better, everybody would love it more.
And that's not how it works. And you know that. And you're probably thinking, Oh my gosh, Elizabeth, you are so foolish. That is not how it works. But that was the story I was telling myself. And another thing that has been really challenging is that when my husband left the church, it didn't take too many more years before he also decided that he didn't believe in Christ anymore.
And so everything that I wanted to do that I felt was so important about Christmas because Christmas is because of Christ. It is about Christ. I felt like I couldn't do it, or I had to be very careful how to do it because I did not want to cause conflict and I didn't want to disrespect my husband. But at the same time, my covenants, my devotion, everything, every hope I have rests in Jesus Christ, His atonement and the great Plan of Salvation.
And so I have to celebrate Christ at Christmas, and maybe other people will do it in different ways. But I still, I put up my Olive-wood Nativity set. We have quotes about Christ. We have art and music about Christ. And I still strive to focus on Christ at Christmas, but it's hard. When Christmas Eve comes, and as a family, I want to do something as a family. And reading of Luke 2 and singing songs of Christ leads my husband to leave the room and not participate. And it's been a struggle for years.
How do I invite the light in and have joy when there are others who do not desire to see it or have it? And I don't know why I felt I needed to talk about this today, other than I suspect that there are many of you who are in situations that are difficult or similar to this, where you, your heart desires to sing and rejoice about Jesus Christ, but when you do those you love may choose to leave.
And it's hard to know what to do and how to handle this situation. And as I was praying about it this week, and crying about it, frankly, and trying to figure out what do I do, because now it's not just my husband, there are others of my loved ones who are purposely striving to block the Spirit, to do anything they can to not feel it.
So what can we do? When we're in this situation, how can we share the joy of Christmas, the true joy and the light of the world? What can we do? Because if we do too much, they turn away and leave. And yet, as disciples of Jesus Christ, we have taken His name upon us, and it is part of our covenant. To teach and testify of Him and to share His light and share his joy and share His love. So what do we do? That is what I was praying about this week and fasting about. How do I handle this year? And the answer came in such a small way, it was beautiful and simple.
As you know several weeks ago we were studying in first John. And John taught us over and over again and testified that Jesus Christ is the light of the world and that God is love, that Jesus Christ is love. As I thought about this, I thought there is just a simple equation. We have the light of the world plus the perfect love of Jesus Christ. And together we have life, the gift and opportunity of eternal life, eternal happiness and joy. Through the light and love of Jesus Christ, but it isn't enough to just share the light.
And I think I've been trying too hard to do that. Teaching the doctrine, teaching the principles, sharing the scriptures, all of those things, all of those things. But I haven't been as good at sharing love. And if we don't love, then the light can't get through. And this has been something for me, a constant thing I'm trying to work on and praying for charity, trying to understand how to show love in ways that those that are rejecting the light will receive the love.
And again, I said, I was praying about this for one of my family members in particular. And the answer came, you don't need a huge light. You don't need a spotlight. You don't need a home full of light. You don't need a big event. You don't even need to do it in the day, right? You don't need sunshine covering everything all day.
In order to dispel darkness, all you need is one little match, one tiny little speck of light. And that's all that your loved one is ready to receive right now. And so I prayed to know how I could do this? How do I share a tiny speck of light everyday in a loving way for this family member? And I can tell you that Heavenly Father answered my prayer and gave me ideas of what I could do.
Little, tiny, simple things. Things that, yes, I've done before. Now I'm doing them. with intention. Now I am doing them a purpose. I create simple things everyday. And actually I will say this, it's one thing a day and it's small and it's different everyday. Every tiny little speck of light will make a difference when it's delivered with love.
And although I haven't seen huge drastic improvements or huge miracles, I have felt that our relationship is improving. I have felt more joy, more love, and I have sensed that he feels it as well. We've shared laughter that we haven't shared in a while. We shared hugs and these tiny little things are making a difference.
And it's helped me also realize. But I don't have to make a perfect Christmas. I don't have to do it all right. I just have to try a little bit at a time everyday. And if I do it seeking the direction of the Holy Ghost and our Heavenly Father in Jesus Christ, then it will be good enough. It will be enough. And my offering that I bring to the Savior this Christmas season will be enough.
I've also realized that because of my grief and my worry, my sadness and sorrow at this holiday time, and I want you to know it's not all the time, but it's always there. There's joy, there's delight, there's happiness and sorrow, grief, sadness, and worry. It's always there. But as I was writing about it earlier today, the thought came to me that because I feel these things because I feel sadness and I miss my mom because I feel sorrow over not being able to do the traditions and celebrate Christ to the extent that I would like to because I'm in the struggle. I can feel more joy because of those things.
I know why the Savior was born. I need what He came to bring, and He can and does heal my heart. He can make me whole. I trust He will make my family whole. He will keep His promises. He does keep His promises. And because of the struggle, my love and gratitude at this time of year for my Savior Jesus Christ is increased, and my heart is more fully turned to Him.
I am humbled and reminded, and I can live in the sweetness of the Spirit, that because a babe was born in Bethlehem, the Son of God, and because He lived, and He suffered, even would I suffer, because He died for me. And was resurrected, there is hope, and that is the joy of Christmas. There is hope in Christ for perfect love, for perfect joy, forever.
We will not always feel the sorrow. We will not always feel the grief. Someday it will all be washed away it will all be gone, and we will be made perfect. And we will live and dwell in a state of never ending happiness. If we choose Him.
As I was going through this kind of hard week, I made the decision to continue to choose Him, to continue to pray, to continue to listen to the words of our living prophet and apostles, study general conference, to go to the scriptures, to attend the temple. I continued to have hope. I continued to try to do my part, and I know that the blessings come often, not immediately, but simply because we stay true to Christ. We stay true in doing the things that invite Him to be with us, and that He does walk with us through the darkness, and He is the light. Even if sometimes all we can see is a little speck, or all we can feel is a tiny warmth of one single match. He is there. We just have to choose to see him. We have to choose to strike the match. And we have to choose to do the small and simple things that let the light in.
When my mom was in the last few months of her life. We knew that it would be her last Christmas, and my dad asked her what she wanted. What of anything? What could he do for her? And her answer, she said she would love to have the nativity in our yard, which he had done that. I believe he got it a few years earlier, but they had purchased or had made a very nice wooden nativity set with the wise men and the shepherds and the star and Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus.
And it was almost life-size. It was large. It was hard to store. I remember that. And it was painted. So it was beautiful, bright, vibrant colors. And our home was different. We lived in a home that wasn't at streeT level. So we actually had a bridge to our front door. And so from the street that our front yard dropped down toward our home and was covered in ivy.
And so we had the, all the different nativity pieces placed throughout this hill and it was still visible from the street, but they were placed throughout the hill. And then my dad had every tree wrapped and we had a lot of trees too. It wasn't a large yard in the front, but there was room enough.
And I know we had help making this happen. And I am, I know my uncle helped and we had others, but by the time it was done, and the lights went on. It was like a mini temple square to the extent the lights have been placed. There were just that many lights and so many different colors. And then to have the nativity and everything, it wasn't long before word got out and people would come and just drive by our house just to see this house with the lights. And it wasn't known to most people and so many of them coming by that the reason these lights were out there was because the mother of the home was experiencing her last Christmas on earth. And this family was experiencing the last Christmas they would have with her. And this was a gift to her because she loves light.
She loved and loves her Savior, Jesus Christ. And she wanted to light the world. She wanted to share the light. She loved the beautiful colors and the brightness of the light. It brought her joy. And she, as a person, was filled with light. She brought joy to others. She shared joy wherever she went. And so having these Christmas lights.
In front of our home was like an outward extension of who she was, of her sharing her testimony of Jesus Christ and the biggest light shown on the Savior. I loved seeing it. I loved every time I got in the car and had to go somewhere, came home. I was 15 and I just loved it. I'd walk outside sometimes and just walk across the street and just sit and look at it and enjoy it. She brought joy.
I will forever be grateful to my mom and my dad for such a simple thing, but it's something that made a difference that year and for years to come. I'm so grateful for the example of my dad showing that love and sacrifice and giving that gift to my mom and my mom for giving a gift that she honestly didn't get to see much.
She was quite ill. And so I think everybody else enjoyed it and got to see it far more than she did. There's something marvelous about the gift of light. I hope you will find something this season that you can do yourself that not only invites the light and love of Jesus Christ into your soul and into your heart, hopefully also can share it with others as well.
And it doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be a whole yard filled with tons of lights, thousands of lights. That is not what it has to be. It can be incredibly simple. For me, I find strength and comfort and peace and joy as I sit in the quiet of the night with all the lights turned off, except those on the Christmas tree.
And I know I'm, this isn't unique, but this is what works for me. And you know how you close your eyes partway and all the lights on the tree go blurry. I sit and I look at the tree and I ponder about Jesus Christ. I have a figurine and several pieces of art there by the tree, even on the tree.
And one of the prominent decorations, it says joy. And some nights I sit in quiet and other nights I'll turn on some of my favorite Christmas songs. They're the softer ones. They're the beautiful, still, quiet ones. Some nights I weep, and other nights I smile. Every night as I do this, I feel the love of Jesus Christ. I feel the gratitude for Him. And I feel peace and joy and each morning I pray to know how to do one act, one thing that can share it that day, could share those feelings that day. This may seem really simple to you, but in the hustle and bustle of my life this month, this simple thing has made all the difference.
I hope you do find something that works for you. I hope you feel his light and that you receive. I hope you know that you don't have to be perfect and your Christmas doesn't have to be perfect. All you need is to connect with Jesus Christ and seek His love and light in your life. President Nelson said his prayer for us in his Christmas devotional, just Last week, he said, "I pray for you to experience the joy of always thinking celestial."
And he also prays, he says, "I also pray that you will use this holiday season to begin a season of even greater personal worship. Begin anew to study the teachings and the atonement of Jesus Christ. No one on this earth loves you as He does. No one here understands you better or really knows your sorrows and weaknesses.
No one on earth has the power that Jesus Christ has, and no one here is more eager for you to become everything you can become. No one pleads on with the Father on your behalf as He does. The Lord Jesus Christ is our Savior and our Redeemer. He is the Son of God, the Holy One of Israel. He is the anointed one. He is the babe that was born in Bethlehem that we celebrate here this Christmas."
I love this message from President Nelson. I do hope you will take the time to invite the light and love by thinking celestial, by thinking of Christ, and remember that you are not alone. That He does know you and He loves you.
And I just have to end with, as I listened to President Nelson and watched him actually give this talk in the Christmas devotional, how I loved how excited he got and even did a motion with his hands when he said, no one here is more eager for you to become everything you can become. That is the gift we can give our Savior to strive to become everything we can become.
Not all at once, one little simple thing at a time, and we can do it with His help. We can do it as we invite the light and the love of the world into our hearts and into our homes. I wish you a very Merry Christmas. May you feel His love. May you know, even if you are feeling sorrow or grief or sadness or loneliness. That because He was born, because he came to earth, you will not and do not have to feel that forever. And you do not have to feel it alone. He is with you. I know he reaches down to you and desires to encircle you in His love. May you fill it, I pray, along with President Nelson, who is so filled with love. How I love him. How I love our Savior. Let's show our love by turning to him. Let's prosper stronger together as we seek more of his light and love in our lives. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving Him.
If you would like to feel more of his love this season, I invite you to go to ProsperStronger.com and download the free personal revelation guide. Follow the steps that are outlined there that have been given to us by President Nelson, Sister Wendy Watson Nelson, Elder Richard D. Scott in the scriptures and many other sources. This is a pattern that has been given to us by God, by His chosen leaders.
I hope you will take a chance to follow it. And from my own experience, I can say that every time I do, I feel of His love and I know He cares about me. I know He cares about you too. So go download that and give it a try. I guarantee you won't regret it.
Thank you for joining the Prosper Stronger podcast today. We hope that you have felt inspired and empowered. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast and share it with your friends and family. I also invite you to join me at ProsperStronger.com where you will find free resources to help you grow and learn as well as join in our discussions where we go deeper into some of the things that we talk about here on our podcast.
Remember that you are loved and cherished by Heavenly Father who wants you to prosper and thrive. Until next time, may you continue to cultivate covenant connections with God, with others, and with yourself, and find strength in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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